we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
