I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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