I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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