theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
zippers are such a cool invention
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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