The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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