You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
