She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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