i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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