Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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