Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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