YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
