I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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