i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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