also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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