I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
