I'm jealous of your bromance
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
