he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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