mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize