What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
