We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize