You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
