i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
