So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
