Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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