i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
