please come you make the beer taste better
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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