Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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