He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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