Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
