Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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