Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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