Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
