There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
