Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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