hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When are your genitals available?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
