I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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