She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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