I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
