She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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