I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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