dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
