we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
