So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
