this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
