my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
