I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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