singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize