did you get engaged???
Will you blow on my dice?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
