She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
