How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize