i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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