i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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