Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
