He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
