I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
babies were throwing up all over the place
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
