i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
