All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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