I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
