I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We have started to decorate penises.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize