Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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