obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
