she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
