when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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