On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
