Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
