In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
