So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
