my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize